Tips for working in a cubicle

I've been living, I mean working, in a cubicle for the past year, and I've learned how to make it somewhat bearable.  I thought I might take the time to share some of my knowledge on the subject...

Organize your shit | Seriously, I see people all the time who let their cubes slowly become crowded little storage units where people save that cheap shit, three old crackers in a white plastic sleeve, plastic bags from their honey bun three weeks ago, oh, and let's not forget all of the soda cans and empty red solo cups... YOUR SHIT LOOKS LIKE A FRAT HOUSE!!

Exhibit A

Seriously, we all lose perspective on our realities when we're in the throes of a stressful workday/week/month/eternity, and we can quickly forget or overlook the importance of a clean work environment.  I challenge you to take the next few minutes and clear off your space.

If you cringe inside a bit whenever anyone comes to your cubicle, have you ever stopped to consider that you might hate people seeing how big of a slob you really are?  I find that after I've straightened up my cubicle, I couldn't be any happier with the boss coming by.  I've even noticed that our conversations tend to go better when my shit's all straight...

Exhibit B

So, clear off all the clutter on your desktop, throw away the crap you don't need and organize your drawers to stow away the things you will.  Then, once you've got everything straight, spend  2 minutes to take it a step further and spray/dust everything off.  You'd be surprised at how the constant subtly negative impact of a cluttered dust-ridden work environment will weigh your back down by the weight of one more straw.

Basically, your shit's all retarded... yes, that's a quote from Idiocracy.

Everybody Feng Shui Tonight | This was probably the most helpful topic that made my life in a cubicle more manageable... I know it might not seem like it at first, but TRUST me on this.

Now, I know that technically, Feng Shui is supposed to involve some 'face this furniture towards the west' type bullshit - never mind that for now.  There are blog posts and articles all over the web on cubicle feng shui-ism, but the only one that I've found helpful is an idea of facing your work station in a way that maximizes your vision of the opening of your cubicle.

The theory behind this is simple and difficult to disagree with -- if your back is facing the opening of your cubicle, your brain will essentially always be aware of the possibility of being snuck up on by people of authority.  Even if you're not facebooking and you're genuinely focused on a task at hand, your brain still has to process the knowledge that there is a vulnerability present.  Don't fight the concept -- you can't control what your subconscious is busy thinking about...

So yeah, this tip is simple, and I've found it VERY effective.  When I first started at my job, my computer monitor and keyboard was tucked away into the corner of the desk, forcing my back to be to the entrance.  Solutions: I moved it as far to the right side as I could so that I would have at least my right-side peripheral vision to put my sub-conscience at ease that the district manager is peaking in.  I've also found that the auditory processing of my surroundings has benefited by having my right ear directly to the opening.  I really have noticed an increased ability to recognize footsteps on the approach.

Fix your lighting | Not all of you work in places cool enough to work with you on this, but I'll share a tip that has vastly improved my work-life.  I've discovered that I despise florescent lighting, so I talked with my cube mates, and they agreed that we should turn off the florescent fixtures above our desks and bring in table top lamps from home (See Exhibit B).  There is still a lot of residual light that comes in from the other ceiling fixtures, but I've got my natural light fix, so it's all good, skro.

Be Prepared for a Snow In | Well, serious shit could go down at some point in the future causing you to be forced to live out the emergency within your office, and you'll be super stoked about being prepared in that event, but that's not my real point here.  If you're prepared enough to live in your office for a couple of days, that will also mean that you won't feel pressured to go spend money when your work buddies come by and say, "Yo, Skro, you wanna go get something to eat at the most expensive place we could think of?"  If you've got a couple of your favorite meals that you can prepare in your office break-room, it won't be too hard to turn down those opportunities to spoil your budget.

One tip on this is to really take stock of the resources your company has provided.  For instance, you probably have a fridge and a microwave, but do you have a toaster and toaster oven?  I've made friends with my toasters recently, and it has VASTLY improved my lunchtime.

For instance, I like to keep my own condiments and lunch meat stocked in the fridge inside a lunchbox.  I don't carry the lunchbox from home to work every day, but instead I use it to say, "This is my shit, back off."    That way, I don't have to worry about people using up my precious jalapeno supply, and I feel more confident that it's not going to get thrown away over the weekend.  I also keep my dry goods in a food drawer at my desk.

I use all of this to make my signature hot deli sandwich:

1. Put two pieces of bread in the toaster.
2. Put a sandwich portion of lunch meat with cheese on top in the toaster oven (This is where your own foil comes in if your company doesn't keep you supplied).
3. While your meat and cheese is heating up, your bread will finish.  When it does, fix your condiments.  I also use this downtime to fix my drink, heat up some easy mac or soup, etc.  
4. When your meat's all heated up and the cheese is melted, pull it out of the toaster oven holding the foil once it's had a moment to cool (doesn't take long).  Flip it over onto the bread and close your delicious masterpiece.  
5. Enjoy your hot sandwich that you didn't have to go pay people to make for you.  It tends to have the special flavor of, "I just saved some money, bitches!"

Hack Your Subconscious | I think this one works... I hope it does.  However, even if it doesn't, it could hack the subconscious of your boss to make them view you as being in the "Employees I'm glad I hired" column.  

Here's what you do when there's something in your life that you're trying to improve.  Personally, I find that I go through cycles of hating my job.  I mean, truthfully, the only two things I want to do in life is to make a lot of money and be a professional songwriter -- sometimes I'm painfully reminded that I am not doing either.  At first glance of this topic, you might think, "That's easy, just make a sign that says, 'Get Rich and Write Kickass Songs, Srko.'"  I wish life were that simple.

No, here's my ultimate realization... I get distracted from work, and I really start not wanting to do ANY work.  While this is going on, I start catching myself complaining about my job and salary A LOT.  This is unacceptable.  The truth is that I'm lucky as shit to have my job, I like my boss and my coworkers, and it's certainly not the most stressful job I've ever had.  So, what I really need to hear (from myself) is, "WORK HARDER - COMPLAIN LESS."  So, that's what I've printed out and placed to the left of my screen.  

Like I said, this hack may or may not work with you, but at least it will appear like you're making an effort to be a better employee...  I find it's working for me, helping me to push myself to do the tasks I don't have much interest in.  After all, once those tasks are completed, I find my job is pretty damned well acceptable.

Okay, that's enough.  Hope these tips help you survive life in a corporate cube farm, Skros.  

Btw, Skro is a term from Idiocracy.  What -- Urban Dictionary backs up my usage...