How To Sleep At Work

The Medical Emergency technique in action

Don't be a Skro, we've all been there... You're really tired and maybe you don't want to drink coffee because caffein isn't good for you.  You think to yourself, "I wish I wasn't at work so I could take a nap." If you're a scumbag Skro who decides you are going to take a nap on someone else's dime, here are some helpful tips to keep you from getting fired if you get caught.

The Medical Emergency | I'm proud of myself for coming up with this jewel... You can sleep anywhere any time.  All you have to do is sleep in a funy position and if the boss happens by, just ask them how long you were out.  In fact, you might just get the rest of the day off or a free ride in a fast flashing manbulance.

The Prayer | Now, I can't sleep sitting up straight, but I've sure as hell worked with people who could, so I know you're out there. This one's very simple... when they shake you or ask you if you're sleeping, just raise your head and softly say, "amen."

The Migraine | This one is pretty fool proof -- unless you snore I guess.  And I know what you're thinking,

Google's Nap Room

"Snoring would be a dead give away that you're not praying too," and well, that's a good point.  For this one, you put your face in your hands and rub your temples when you are woken.  If anyone has a problem with your short little nap, just tell them you were closing your eyes because you've got a migrain.

Okay, I feel like a scum bag skro for coming up with this junk.  I don't really advise you use these tactics... your boss isn't stupid and you'll be out of a job pretty quickly if you get busted.  You're better off being ethical about your napping... go to your car during lunch and set an alarm.  It's the only way to legitimately take a nap at work.

If only I could convince my employer to be more like Google...

How to Cope

Today hasn't been great.  I left my reading glasses at home -- which means I have to make do with my cheap OTC readers that give me a head ache.  I work on a computer, so all I do all day is read and write.  Then, I've had some big requests about things I'm not very familiar with from my clients.  When you combine these two small problems with my normal baseline stressor of "Oh my God!  How am I ever going to make more money?!" I start finding myself getting pretty distracted at work.  Maybe you're thinking, "My God! This kid doesn't know the meaning of stress -- I just had a testiculectomy, my wife left me, and I got fired this morning.  Where's my gun?"  You don't need this article --you need immediate professional help.  I'm talking about the relative stress that mildly affects my day for which I feel there should be solutions, and there are, so let's get into them.

Breath The Light | I read about this a long time ago when I was in a similar mood and wound up running across this breathing exercise where you imagine that you're breathing in a pure white light, and you image that you exhale dirty brown used up energy, basically, and definitely put into my own words.  Here's a good link for this technique: http://www.totallyzen.com/breathing-exercises-to-train-the-mind.html

Find A Little Happiness | I find myself looking at my life on the macro level -- constantly focused on where this project is headed and why I haven't had the next BIG accolade for my efforts.  After a while, I get caught up in it all and I find that I have to manually reset my mind to look instead at the little things in my life as a source for my happiness.  Really, I should point out that our happiness comes from within.  It's the cheesy truth.  But, what does that really even mean?  It means we ultimately choose our own state of mind.  In order for some event to cause us to become stressed, we have to allow it.

In order to kick negativity to the curb, I do a little exercise I came up with:

• Close your eyes and breath gently. 
• Ask yourself what you need.  Really ask yourself!  I find the answer is always a level below my usual expectation. So, if I'm disappointed that I haven't been promoted as I feel I deserve, I might find it helpful to realize I'd be happy with just the knowledge that I have a job that doesn't require mass exposure to the elements while committing hard labor.  If I didn't have a job, maybe I should just be thankful for the food that comes my way and have shelter of any kind.
• Think of 3 things that bring you joy.   I know what it's like to be engrossed in whatever it is bugging you, but let go of it for just a moment and take the time to visualize the things in your life you value the most.  If you really can't think of anything, you're beyond my help and should seek out a professional.

Own Your Problems | I don't know at what point I stopped running from and avoiding my problems, but my life has been infinitely better.  When you avoid a problem, that problem has time to fester into a much bigger problem until it seems absolutely insurmountable.  However, the sooner you deal with the problem, the sooner you can shed that extraneous stress from your life.  Let's look at some hypothetical examples:

• I think my boss is going to fire me because I know that she knows that I know that she knows... whoa is me.  Work is stressful enough without the insecurity of not knowing where you stand with your boss.  Write down your concerns, and then communicate those professionally with him/her.  Get it out in the open.  I mean, don't incriminate yourself.  If you've been embezzling from your company for the past 15 yrs, sit down, shut up, and eat your stress because you deserve it.  That's not great advice I just gave there.  Don't embezzle.
• My wife is doing that thing where she's short and has a tone in her voice like she's angry at me about something.  Send your woman an email and let her choose how to respond.  Writing out your problems is a lot easier than having to verbalize it.  Maybe something big is going under the surface of your relationship, and then again, maybe she's just really getting tired of telling you to take out the trash.  Usually when you find out what it is, it's not as bad as your suspicions so SPEAK UP!
• I'm in WAAAAY over my head on this project.  Write down your questions, and then communicate them to people who can help.  I find that following the chain of command on this works great!  In other words, talk first with a co-worker who's been where you're at, and seek out their advice.  Then, go to your supervisor (or go there first if it feels safe).  Just make sure you've researched the problem first.  You can't just have other people doing your job for you -- that's not fair.  

Okay, hopefully you'll find that these tips work for you just as they've worked for me.  Good luck out there... and if you've found this blog post looking for help because you're suicidal, don't be retarded.  You can find happiness and peace building homes for habitat for humanity, not making any money -- doing good for others is something that is so rewarding some people have found it truly addictive.  Hang in there.  Go volunteer at a soup kitchen... you'll be helping people which feels wonderful, and you'll also probably see that there are a lot of people out there with problems well worse than yours and have learned to cope just fine.

PR Hustler: The Music March

I write and perform several types of music, and I'm coming up with creative ways to raise awareness of my music with my local Birmingham, AL audience.  One way to help yourself is to help others... so, I've been thinking along those lines.  I don't want to use others to get my name out there, but there are ways to help others and build your own brand stock.

Yesterday, I came up with several ideas, but one of them stood out from the bunch.  I had an idea to essentially organize a march of musicians to raise money for charity.  I'm envisioning several clusters of Acoustic Guitars walking down the street gaining attention for themselves and raising money for charity with each step taken and each note strummed...

Here's how my idea breaks down:

• Name It | I've got a name tucked under my hat.
• Set a Date | Look out into the future and pick out a Saturday morning at whatever time your morning news stations crank up.  
• Build an informational website | There just needs to be info about the project and include printable promotional flyers as well as specif dates, entry forms, etc.
• Choose Board Members | This is an important step in order to plan out specific details and delegate certain responsibilities such as Treasury, Media, etc.
• Choose the Charity | There are lots of charities to choose from, just take a look around and see what talks to your heart.
• Get the Musicians On Board | Start with the musicians you see working the hardest around town and approach them with the idea and see what they say.  They may want to team up with you, or they will AT LEAST likely be willing to help spread the word with other musicians.  
• Work the PR | Send out lots of press releases and make phone calls to radio/tv stations and newspapers and ask them to support your project.  
• After Party | Organize an after party for the people who donated their time and efforts in order to give back.  

It's a simple enough idea, and I think it would be easy to get companies and individuals to show support for the event.  Also, in the process, you would become fully ingrained into your local scene... meeting cool people you just don't know about yet, rubbing elbows with the shakers and movers by BEING a shaker and a mover.

This is just a thought at the moment, but maybe if enough people would be interested in putting on an event like this, I think it would be great PR.