How to Cope

Today hasn't been great.  I left my reading glasses at home -- which means I have to make do with my cheap OTC readers that give me a head ache.  I work on a computer, so all I do all day is read and write.  Then, I've had some big requests about things I'm not very familiar with from my clients.  When you combine these two small problems with my normal baseline stressor of "Oh my God!  How am I ever going to make more money?!" I start finding myself getting pretty distracted at work.  Maybe you're thinking, "My God! This kid doesn't know the meaning of stress -- I just had a testiculectomy, my wife left me, and I got fired this morning.  Where's my gun?"  You don't need this article --you need immediate professional help.  I'm talking about the relative stress that mildly affects my day for which I feel there should be solutions, and there are, so let's get into them.

Breath The Light | I read about this a long time ago when I was in a similar mood and wound up running across this breathing exercise where you imagine that you're breathing in a pure white light, and you image that you exhale dirty brown used up energy, basically, and definitely put into my own words.  Here's a good link for this technique: http://www.totallyzen.com/breathing-exercises-to-train-the-mind.html

Find A Little Happiness | I find myself looking at my life on the macro level -- constantly focused on where this project is headed and why I haven't had the next BIG accolade for my efforts.  After a while, I get caught up in it all and I find that I have to manually reset my mind to look instead at the little things in my life as a source for my happiness.  Really, I should point out that our happiness comes from within.  It's the cheesy truth.  But, what does that really even mean?  It means we ultimately choose our own state of mind.  In order for some event to cause us to become stressed, we have to allow it.

In order to kick negativity to the curb, I do a little exercise I came up with:

• Close your eyes and breath gently. 
• Ask yourself what you need.  Really ask yourself!  I find the answer is always a level below my usual expectation. So, if I'm disappointed that I haven't been promoted as I feel I deserve, I might find it helpful to realize I'd be happy with just the knowledge that I have a job that doesn't require mass exposure to the elements while committing hard labor.  If I didn't have a job, maybe I should just be thankful for the food that comes my way and have shelter of any kind.
• Think of 3 things that bring you joy.   I know what it's like to be engrossed in whatever it is bugging you, but let go of it for just a moment and take the time to visualize the things in your life you value the most.  If you really can't think of anything, you're beyond my help and should seek out a professional.

Own Your Problems | I don't know at what point I stopped running from and avoiding my problems, but my life has been infinitely better.  When you avoid a problem, that problem has time to fester into a much bigger problem until it seems absolutely insurmountable.  However, the sooner you deal with the problem, the sooner you can shed that extraneous stress from your life.  Let's look at some hypothetical examples:

• I think my boss is going to fire me because I know that she knows that I know that she knows... whoa is me.  Work is stressful enough without the insecurity of not knowing where you stand with your boss.  Write down your concerns, and then communicate those professionally with him/her.  Get it out in the open.  I mean, don't incriminate yourself.  If you've been embezzling from your company for the past 15 yrs, sit down, shut up, and eat your stress because you deserve it.  That's not great advice I just gave there.  Don't embezzle.
• My wife is doing that thing where she's short and has a tone in her voice like she's angry at me about something.  Send your woman an email and let her choose how to respond.  Writing out your problems is a lot easier than having to verbalize it.  Maybe something big is going under the surface of your relationship, and then again, maybe she's just really getting tired of telling you to take out the trash.  Usually when you find out what it is, it's not as bad as your suspicions so SPEAK UP!
• I'm in WAAAAY over my head on this project.  Write down your questions, and then communicate them to people who can help.  I find that following the chain of command on this works great!  In other words, talk first with a co-worker who's been where you're at, and seek out their advice.  Then, go to your supervisor (or go there first if it feels safe).  Just make sure you've researched the problem first.  You can't just have other people doing your job for you -- that's not fair.  

Okay, hopefully you'll find that these tips work for you just as they've worked for me.  Good luck out there... and if you've found this blog post looking for help because you're suicidal, don't be retarded.  You can find happiness and peace building homes for habitat for humanity, not making any money -- doing good for others is something that is so rewarding some people have found it truly addictive.  Hang in there.  Go volunteer at a soup kitchen... you'll be helping people which feels wonderful, and you'll also probably see that there are a lot of people out there with problems well worse than yours and have learned to cope just fine.